2nd Maid Accuses M. de Sade

A second chambermaid has come forth to accuse aging hipster The Marquis de Sade of whipping her. The pre-modernist author, whom many credit with anticipating Darwin, Social Darwinism, Krafft-Ebing, Nietzsche, Objectivism, Libertarianism, Anarcho-Capitalism, and E. L. James, is already cooling his heels in the Bastille due to a Lettre De Cachet (King’s order without warrant or explanation). The court seems less troubled by Sade’s violence against commoners than his blasphemy, which is punishable by the guillotine. Rumors have swirled around the aristocratic swinger for decades. As early as age 23, Sade was expelled from a bordello for “extreme behaviors unbecoming of this house’s reputation.”

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